


The Shit You Get Yourself Into

by BabylonSabby



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Karkat was NOT BUILT TO COPE. And then suddenly he was., M/M, Multi, Strider sandwich., Two Daves and a Karkat.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 21:47:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6346627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabylonSabby/pseuds/BabylonSabby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat wasn't so sure about having two Daves all to himself. Not at first anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shit You Get Yourself Into

**Author's Note:**

> Contains smut. You are warned.  
> First nsfw fic and it's way kinkier than I thought a first smutfic would be.  
> It's also the longest I've wrote, especially for a one-shot. Sorry for the length, if that's a problem.

Your name is Karkat Vantas. AND when Dave mentioned something to you about a ‘Strider sandwich’ the other day, you thought he was kidding. Some stuff he says just goes in one ear and out the other and at the time, this was one of them. But holy shit, it was actually happening!! And you didn’t know what to do about it! You weren’t built to cope!

It literally snuck up on you, because no matter if he’s from the past, present, future, or a little place you like to call Up Shit Creek, Dave is a sneaky and conniving bastard who sometimes doesn’t communicate on purpose.

There you were just minding your own business, doing your thing, swapping spit and inhaling his face like breakfast, when just as his fingers were starting to brush over your hips, you felt an entirely different body press into you from behind. Startled and gasping as a result, you froze for what felt like a split second before darting around and shielding your boyfriend behind you. You know that red hoodie. You know that symbol on his chest. You know that unbreakable smirk, and you see your reflection staring back at you in those all too familiar shades.

You’re caught somewhere between shock and rage. But you don’t get a chance to let your partner in lust have it before his doppelganger opens his infuriating tur-ap-uh.*

“I got your message, Rubber Ducky, and I came right over.”

He’s grinning at his counterpart, who only chimes in with, “Ten-four, Slick. Do you have a visual?”

“Indeed I do,” the doppelganger is staring right at you. Leering, even. And you know this because you can feel it. You have experience in this area! “Target is in sight,” he adds.

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” you murmur lowly, very intent on making your throat growl with warning. In the mean time, the tip of your index finger goes right on the other Dave’s mouth. Afterwards, you abruptly turn to what you think is the original. “Dave, what the ever loving fuck is going on? Are you messing with the time line? You can get us all killed!”

“Me? I would never!” he feigns in shocked aghast. “Actually, in all seriousness, he’s messing with the timeline. And he was in the area when shit started going down.”

“Yep,” the other Dave quips, his hands stuffed in the front pocket of his hoodie. “Just in the area when I got the news that this room…was the room where the kinky shit went down.”

When you turn to look at him, you think his grin couldn’t get any wider, but you know for a fact you’re wrong. 

“Then shouldn’t you be doing your job?” you growl, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Technically it’s done did,” he says with a shrug. “I just gotta make the loop stable and we’re gravy.”

“So it’s break time in other words,” your Dave relays.

“Hell, yes.”

Okay, you…have to be honest with yourself. That voice he used was pretty damn hot. And he probably knows it. Odds are, just like your Dave, this Dave knows all the buttons to push to make you go weak in the knees. And you hate him for that.

As you cling to the other in the hopes that he’d somehow shield you from this douchebag, the doppelganger is already closing the gap between you, pressing his body against your back and nuzzling into your neck. His breath is hot and his voice is soft, laden with arousal, but gentle all the same. It’s a familiar, habitual voice. The same voice your Dave uses around you. He does everything in his power when you’re together to help you feel not only happy in the pants…but safe as well. 

That’s how you know this idiot has a Karkat of his own somewhere.

“So, what the hell are you hanging around here for, don’t you have your own Karkat to mess with?” you strain, your throat tightening against his lips.

“Yes, but the poor baby’s sick,” he says as if addressing a newly hatched wriggler, “and I don’t want his cooties.”

“Hey, man, boyfriends that share unknown, foreign diseases together stay together,” your Dave chimed abruptly. He was even giving his other self what looked like a genuine frown. “It’s a sign of affection to swap spit with that sick crab!”

“He knows I love him,” the doppelganger retorts. “Don’tcha, Karbabs?”

Again with the purring in the ear. 

Karbabs? Well, that’s one you’ve never heard before.

For some reason this is the exact moment when you get what is possibly the greatest idea ever. Certainly the craziest, but you know what? Fuck the police. When you’ve received a Strider sandwich you didn’t even order, there’s only one thing you can do…

Just as they’re both going in for the kill, the Dave you know and love leaning down to kiss your mouth, and the other to do God knows what to your ear, you make a bolt for it, ducking down quickly as possible and darting out of the fucking way.

You’re a speedy little shit and proud of it, because now you have the Striders at your mercy. You’ve darted around to the other side, straightened your spine and clapped them together with each arm like two sides of an Oreo. Sans the delicious, creamy filling in the middle.

…

Damn it, your mind didn’t need to go there, and what did it decide to do?!

Could it be possible that trolling two Daves and then watching them make out might be a little sexy?

Could be.

It’s not every day you have the opportunity to get under one’s skin, let alone two at once.

So while you’re standing there grinning victoriously, these two idiots are looking at each other with wide eyes. If you were psychic, they’d probably be thinking something along the lines of, “If you’re Dave…And I’m Dave…THEN WHO’S SMOOCHING THE KARKAT?!” Cause’ that’s certainly what it looks like.

The doppelganger is the first to break the lip lock and he’s at a loss for words.

So is your boyfriend.

“Well,” he says nervously, rubbing the back of his head. “I always said I was hot and thought about making out with my reflection a few times, but this is just a whole different level of…”

Vanity??? Maybe???

He’s perfectly aware of that, it seems. And the other Dave is having the same problem.

It doesn’t last long, though. He’s already pondered enough philosophical conundrums to start taking this up a notch. His smirk says ‘irony’, in which case there’s the slightest of chances nothing will come of the question he eventually asks. But that doesn’t mean much. You know Striders are willing to try just about anything once.

“If you gave me a hand job is that masturbation?”

While the doppelganger’s got his index finger and his thumb fixed thoughtfully on his chin, the other Dave looks like his mind just exploded.

“Yo…It’s masturb…Masterception.” Wink.

You groan and roll your eyes, actually having understood that reference.

“You tried, Dave,” you say with exhaustion, giving him a slow clap. “You tried so hard. And got so far.”

“And in the end, one of us in this room is getting laid.”

There’s that GD voice again, but to your surprise, it’s not you Dave is going after. It’s his evil twin. Fuck it, they’re both evil.

They’re both evil and the Dave you’re familiar with has thrown off his shades directly onto the mattress against the wall and is stalking the other like a leopard stalking a gazelle. He wants him to see the look in his eyes. He’s hoping he’s intimidated.

Dave #2 is intimidated. Very much so. You don’t need to see his eyes to know it. You can tell by how his mouth opens and quivers. Neither one of them has done this before and this thought actually surprises you. Funny how great ideas like this happen much later in life. 

The bed is yours to sit on as it gets ignored, Dave #1 pushing his counterpart eventually up against the wall with force you didn’t think he’d berate upon himself. But then again…he does that enough inwardly. This is only a physical representation of it.

Or so you thought.

When Dave ‘beats himself up’, so to speak, it always lacks passion. This is nothing like that. This is…needy. All you have to do is replace the other Strider with yourself and you’d have a pretty good ‘guesstimation’, as he says, of what the two of you must look like when things start getting hot and heavy.

Dear God, one of them is moaning. Like, he’s getting seriously into it. He’s pressed up against the wall and doing everything he can to hike his leg up and curl it around Dave’s lower back. When he succeeds, you notice it’s only so that he could press your boyfriend’s pelvis further into his own, as if it was rutting against him enough.

There’s a teeny, tiny part of you that’s jealous. But what has you flabbergasted…is that you can barely hear that tiny little voice. You know what’ you’re hearing right now? It’s a very loud voice. And it’s getting louder as your eyes get wider. It’s a voice yelling, “HOLY SHITCRACKERS, DO YOU SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?! DO YOU SEE THIS SHIT! ARE YOU HEARING THIS SHIT?! LOOK AT HIS FACE! LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE!!!”

You are looking at their faces.

You’ve seen that look on your Dave’s face before. It’s caught between needy and desperate and…downright feral. He’s always been rather pleading, you think. But as time went on and the two of you got more comfortable and more confident with being intimate, there were times when Dave just got downright animalistic. You guessed it was all that penned up sexual frustration from having to deal with keeping all of this…locked up inside.

It’s kinda good to see it pouring out on someone he could probably stand to damage a little bit. To be a little rough with. Cause’ on the upside, at least he’s getting it out of his system. And you know there’s no hard feelings between one Strider and another. Unless said feelings are between their respective legs.

Feeling a little tight in the pants yourself, you let your eyes trail to the other’s face.

You’ve seen that face before, too. And you can’t help but want to grin in remembrance. You’ve given him that expression a time or two. It’s boiling with lava, with heat. And he’s groaning. In your memory, he groans your name. But in the scene being performed live, right before your very eyes, he’s groaning things like, “Aaahh, fuck, take your pants off, goddamnit!”

And then you remember he’s grinding against himself.

Literally.

It’s too weird to make up.

But it’s happening!

“Keep your shirt on,” your Dave purrs, letting his fingers trail up against the other’s ribcage and beneath the fabric of his hoodie.

“I don’t want that on, either,” Dave-Two says in frustration.

“Are we talkin’ about my shirt, or your shirt? It’s getting kind of confusing with all this Davecest going on. You can never be too sure which Dave is fucking the other, you just know there’s a pile of Daves over there with your name on it.”

At this, his gaze has met yours again and he’s given you a wink. You’re 90% sure you don’t even know where his brain is trying to go with this analogy, but you’re a little bit more sure that regardless of what ‘ironies’ he has stewing in the fireplace, he intends to get you involved somehow. You’re kinda hoping he does.

It’s taken you a minute to realize that your hips are gyrating formlessly. They don’t care where they go so long as they get to hump the air.

You’re not sure if he caught it, but you’d be glad if he didn’t bring it up, regardless. You’re afraid he’ll stop…whatever this fuckery is…to give you attention. And you’re not ready for that yet. You can give yourself plenty of that on your own.

In the meantime, your boys are having way more fun than is probably allowed. But then again, you’re not surprised. They’re literally jumping (each other) at the chance to do something this wild. And you’ll be damned if you don’t think Dave finds it incredibly hot. The even weirder part is that you do, too. It’s kind of like seeing all that ‘fury’ inside of Dave finally being unleashed. It’s everything he puts on your shoulders, except…rougher. You’re making your own little analogies. While Dave is over there like, “Har dee har, when they tell you to go fuck yourself, come down here!” you’re over here thinking way too much romantically. What you see isn’t rage, or hatred at all. And that makes you happy.

Even if this is probably one of the most fucked up things to happen on this goddamn rock…

Dave loves himself.

In a weird kind of, “No homo” kind of way, but it still counts. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want anyone to know. But you’re here. And you taught him this shit. You brought him out of his cage. So he could frankly care less if you see. In fact, he wants you to. He’s showing it off like a student to a teacher. “Hey, there, Kar, look what I can do,” the metaphorical spirit of him chimes in your head.

Your own breath is getting a little fragmented. There hasn’t been any moisture in your mouth for a while now and it’s getting increasingly harder to swallow, much less stay quiet. Your hand has been palming at the mound jutting from between your legs and in the mean time, your eyes are fixed on the twins.

They might have switched positions, you’re not exactly sure. But either way, it doesn’t matter, you think. They’re still technically both yours. And one is lapping his tongue against the other’s nipple. The double is still pinned against the wall and he’s thrusting just as much as you are. He doesn’t beg, yet, but that’s not stopping him from singing with the most erotic sounds you’ve ever heard in Strider history. His counterpart’s hand is stuffed down his sweat pants and all you can see is the bobble of hand-in-fabric as he strokes the other’s erection.

This is too much Dave for you to handle. Dear God, when are they just gonna…fuck?!

You want it. You want it so bad.

You’re imagining it right now, unable to be patient as your head leans against the wall behind you. Your own fingers undo the button of your gray jeans, pull the zipper down, and like a blood-ridden serpent, your bulge snakes out. You smile at first, moaning and raking the top of your head against the wall as your fingers gently grope the appendage and slide up.

You’ve already repeated this motion several times and are even thrusting into your own fist before the two Striders have taken notice.

“I feel like Marilyn Manson,” the pinned Dave says breathlessly, looking down at the other. “Does this count as sucking my own dick?”

“Mmm, for today it does.”

Your Dave? You’re unsure. 

But he’s eventually slid his mouth off his ‘twin’s’ cock like a condom and has reverted his gaze to you.

You’re whining, your legs curled and hovering above your abdomen as one hand tugs rhythmically at your bulge and the other already has two fingers darting in and out of your nook. You can feel how wet it is. Even hear it as genetic material squelches from being shoved in and out of the orifice. It makes you moan louder. You’re really hoping the sight alone drives those idiots crazier than they already are.

“Holy shit, dude, looks like baby boy likes the show so far,” the pinned Dave says.

You’re guessing the other one is your Dave, because he still has that sort of…wild look in his eyes. The other’s eyes look pretty damn desperate, their shades having been discarded long ago.

“You havin’ fun over there, Kar?” your Dave says as he rises to his feet and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, there’s still more to see.”

You assume that’s…kind of a warning. A little heads up that if you go too fast, you’ll come before the grand finale happens. And you know there’s going to be one, this is Dave fucking Strider we’re talking about.

“You wanna see more, or do you just wanna pound your little nook into submission right there?”

You groan. Goddamn it. If you’re honest, you really wanna just…fuck yourself into this mattress. But at the same time, you want to see what other shit these assholes are going to do. Damn it! Dave drives a hard bargain. Looks like you’re going to have to tease the ever loving shit out of yourself before you can even think about grabbing a bucket.

“More,” you utter gutterally, your mouth dry as fuck and your throat still growling in frustration. “Please, Dave,” you whine. “Let me see more.”

“Mmm,” Dave hums, a tongue snaking out betwixt his lips to lick the upper. 

Oh, fucking hell.

“You heard the boss man, get your soggy ass over here.”

The Dave once pinned to the wall is now skeetering, yes, skeetering towards the other who’d taken some time to step back and address you fully in your…fragile state.

He’s almost like a giddy puppy the way he approaches, his eyes genuinely curious as they look at their double. 

“What are we gonna do?”

Oh, that poor summer child. It’s like he’s walked over the rainbow into Oz and his counterpart is literally both the Wizard and the Wicked Witch. 

“I hope your ass is prepared,” the other growls softly, taking him by the shoulders and turning him around.

“Ohdearfuckyes,” he spews before immediately correcting himself. “I mean…it’s not, but can you help a bro out?”

“Of course,” your Dave coos, leaning into the other’s ear. “I wouldn’t feed you to the wolves. Not with an ass this tight.”

Almost as if to prove a point (and you’re pretty sure to also get a rise out of him), your Dave has wasted no time in prodding his double’s entrance, very nearly inserting the tip of his finger into him, but stopping just long enough to rub it in small circles around the sphincter.

The doppelganger throws his head back with a yelp, blonde hair flipping over his forehead and along his scalp.

He’s whining in moans very akin to your own and his knees are quaking as if he’s about to lower himself to the floor. He eventually does.

“Lube, lube, lube, lube!” he chants desperately, humming soon afterward as he strokes the glistening erection between his legs.

You can see how wet he is from here and you can’t describe what that does to your brain. You can’t really…anything, right now, not an inch of you is able to handle…any of this. This was not what you expected. You didn’t expect to be this deep in literal Strider fuckery. Yet, here you are!!! Now you can officially say you’ve seen it all. And done it all, for that matter.

“Don’t worry, we’ve got some around here somewhere,” your Dave responds almost casually as he looks about.

Finally his eyes land on you.

You’re just now wondering what the heck they did with their clothes and when they took them off. You must have been off in your own little world when that happened. Your Dave…both of them, really, are very beautiful. But you know this one’s yours. He looks at you with the familiarity of the here and now. And that smirk he was giving to his double he now gives to you.

He approaches you and you tense up. Your pelvis is still making sweet love to the oxygen. It can’t help it. But in the mean time, your eyes are looking up at him with a blend of your own curiosity…and desire. You love him. You want him. You haven’t been this turned on it God knows how long. The next time Dave says he wants to spice things up, maybe you should listen!

Oh, fuck he’s touching your bulge. Ooohh, fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

He hasn’t even pumped you two whole seconds, you don’t even get a thrust in there, before he’s released you and is moving on to your nook.

You yell loud when he slips his fingers inside your nook, your head bumping against the wall once more. Perhaps a little more harshly than you intended. 

“Oh, Dave, fuck!”

You grind against those fingers, taking note of how soft Dave’s eyes have become as they watch you.

He loves you.

It’s too gentle of a look. You want him to pound you into this bed right the fuck now! No matter how much it hurts!

But at the same time, you can’t complain. That look has saved your ass a few times. There’s a dark place in your mind you sometimes go to. That look alone prevents you anymore. It’s like a key to the gate of Hell and it just locked that motherfucking gate. It ain’t opening for nobody. Least of all yourself.

“Dave, pleeeaaase!” you cry out, rutting against him again.

He comes very close to you, leaning down and kissing the side of your face. Soon afterwards he’s whispered, “Just a little bit longer, baby. Hang in there.”

It’s all you can do to not shout more obscenities right now. You’d be angry if Dave’s voice wasn’t so fucking gentle just then. Whatever’s in his head, he wants it to be good. Almost as if he’s doing it for you.

Like this was all….for you.

Well, duh, you idiot. 

Goddamn it, you love him.

Just not when he’s teasing the fuck out of you all for maybe a few handfuls of your own genetic material. 

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing?” the other Dave says from halfway across the room.

“Yes,” your Dave replies, “is there a problem?”

“Nah. Just taken’ aback is all. It’s not the first time I’ve had Karhottie’s spunk up my ass.”

“Won’t be the last, either,” the other winks.

Karhottie. That’s almost a buzz killer. Almost.

But this is the shit that is going down. You dare say you’re quivering with anticipation. You walked into this thing thinking it wasn’t going to happen and look what ended up happening? You cannot believe you of all people are so unbelievably turned on by this. You try to quell your imagination. It’s getting ahead of you. They’re not even rutting yet, but in your mind they are. It’s so painfully delicious and once again you’re back to groaning and giving your bulge a few gentle strokes, allowing your fingers to find their way back into your nook to twirl around the collection of nerves inside. Your head grinds against the wall behind you, part way on hard surface and part way on cushiony, pillowed, bliss.

You hear one of them chuckle.

“He’s in such a hurry, poor thing.”

Another one grunts.

“Me, too, to be honest.”

“How bad do you want it?”

You peek open your eyes at the suggestive question to see Dave kneeling alongside his double. One hand is fiddling with the doppelganger’s chest nubs while the other is making those familiar, enticing circles around his entrance. There’s red ‘spunk’ everywhere. Wow, you didn’t realize just how messy you could be.

“Aah, fuck, just finger me already, Jesus!”

Your Dave is laughing, stroking himself. You kind of wish your mouth was his hand right now. You have a searing need to make Dave scream as loud as possible. 

“That’s not asking very nicely,” your Dave drawls. “Surely we Striders are at least a little more polite than that.”

The other Dave sighs, turning his head and directing his sharp, candy colored eyes to his twin. You see what looks to be like a light bulb going off in his head.

“Oh, Dave,” he sighs in a very nearly feminine way. It almost makes your toes twist. “Don’t you want to curl your fingers inside me? I’m so tight.” 

He’s smiling and thrusting. God, if you were Dave, you would not be refusing Dave right now. Wait…yes. This is kinda convoluted when you think about it and suddenly the silly analogies from earlier start to make sense.

“Just think how good that would feel with you inside me,” he continues in an almost siren-like manner. You don’t know how your Dave’s taking it, but you in the mean time, are being driven absolutely bonkers. You might have even released more noise as you busy yourself with your bulge and nook combo once more.

Whatever magic he was working, it sure as hell worked. The bestial look is in Dave’s eyes again as he leans forward and growls, “You better be glad I’m nice, or I’d fuck you into this floor with no prep work.”

As he speaks, he’s already driven his juiced up fingers into the other and is relentless in his ministrations. The other one is screaming, his head thrown back, his his hand making a bee-line to his dick.

“Oh, God, fuck, it’s about time!” the other cries. “Mmm…” he cranes his back, muscles flexing as he pushes against his clone’s fingers. “Oh, God, yes. Keep at it. F-fuck! Right there!”

You wonder how he can twist the way that he does, how he doesn’t hurt himself. There’s pros to being a lanky shit, you figure, and Dave #1 isn’t wasting any time in mounting him. He’s already lined up and pushing forward, eliciting more yelps from his double.

You’re about done for and you know it as he thrusts rapidly into the other. You’re jerking off a little bit harder now and with more fervor, your eyes shutting and your ears filled with the sounds of flesh against flesh…and all in the midst of Dave #2′s howls.

Is it forever that it lasts? Or just a few minutes? Either way, the stars are already twinkling behind your eyelids before the screams and grunts finally die down. 

You hear, “What the fuck, man, why’d you stop? I’m about to explode all over this goddamn place!”

That same voice answers, albeit a little more breathily, “We can’t leave Kar-ka-bar all by himself, can we?”

As your mind wanders you are praising the gods, time lords like Dave not included, and you can hear the angels singing!

You are so many…kinds of ready. All kinds of ready. Ready is your middle name and you’re Mr. Eager Beaver with your pants pretty much all the way off now, and your legs spread as open as they’ll allow without cramping.

You’re not quite whimpering, but close, when a Dave approaches you, the other following awfully close behind. You search his eyes for clues. Yep. That’s your Dave. You figured as much. Well…the other one’s yours, too, you figure, but that’s too much to think about right now. It’ll kill your boner if you try. You can burn that bridge when you get there. For now, you’re just hoping one if not both will find a way to fuck you senseless.

“Jesus, you’re gorgeous, Karkat,” your Dave murmurs as he starts to crawl atop the bed.

“You really are,” the other purrs into your ear.

Oh, just……You are in a sandwich hopefully about to be fucked sideways and you don’t care who knows it.

You’re desperately fucking those oxygen molecules now, whining and digging your claws into the sheets as you focus on pumping your bulge. It’s so aroused it’s almost stiff, very much like a human bulge.

“Man, I wonder how close he is,” you hear a Strider muse. 

“I’m…” you try to be verbal, but unfortunately, you can’t verbal. “Oh, God…”

“I’d say we’d better finish him off,” comes an amused churl. “How are we doing this?”

With your eyes opening ever so slightly, you see the Strider to your right crack his knuckles.

“I’ve got an idea. I think it’s about to get pretty fucking messy in this room.”

“Oh, hell yes. What’d you have in mind?”

One leans over to the other to whisper in his ear. You can’t make out what they’re saying but honestly….you could give less of a fuck right now.

“Me likey,” comes more smooth drawls. “Let me see if Karkat’s on board. I think he’ll like this.”

Now it’s your turn to be whispered adoringly to. Your Dave’s eyes hover above yours and they’re smiling at you as he croons, “I really would like to feel your mouth on my dick, Karkles.” 

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are moments away from losing it. And by ‘it’ you mean your genetic material. Never mind your sanity, it was lost ages ago. Had to have been for you to want to date this fucker.

“Is it cool if you suck me off while Other Me fucks you?”

This would be the first time, to your knowledge, that a version of Dave not officially from the here and now has done such a thing, you think. And you need a minute to actually think about this. But while you’re considering it, some sort of butterfly feeling in your stomach is telling you to stop fucking thinking about it and to start the actual fucking. Something about getting to know the other Strider in this way, on top of that, also feels strangely arousing. You wonder how the two of you met in his timeline, how different versus how similar it is. What’s going to happen in your future. What your Dave has ever done in the past while time traveling.

…To you…

You…did not know…how into this you were going to end up being. Best. Idea. Ever.

“Let him do what he wants,” you moan, flipping over to inch closer to him. “I just want to make you happy.”

Just as your leaving a trail of toothy kisses down the inside of Dave’s thigh, he’s sighed and burrowed his fingers through your hair.

“You already make me happy.”

His voice is so fucking soft…Nothing like the drawling wolf’s voice of earlier. You feel pain in your chest. You love him more than anything.

“Okay, I want to make your dick happy,” you snarl.

“You do that, too,” he counters, a wide grin on his face.

But he’s almost interrupted by a moan that escapes his lips the moment you start gingerly sucking at the rounded tip of his bulge. You keep your focus just on this as his groans escalate, getting louder and more drawn out. He’s even attempted to thrust into your mouth with his fingers tangled in your hair, before you’ve released him.

“Fuuuck, Kar, why’d you stop?”

His eyes are as glazed as you’ve ever seen them. You daresay like cherry red doughnuts. (You’ve been hanging around him way too long, now you’re picking up his puns.)

“Go on to me and Strider Surprise over here about patience, driving us crazy, now it’s your turn to learn some.”

“Dude, you have no idea how hot you are when you get fuckin’ dominant and shit,” the doppelganger whispers into your ear from behind you. You are so sandwiched it hurts. Well, almost. That’s when you get an idea, but Dave #2 is way ahead of you.

“I say…you do him while I do you and that way it’s a win for everybody. Well…I’d be the odd one out since I’m not getting any prostate stimulation, but hey!”

Your face twists into the most surly grin you think you’ve had all day.

“I’ll be right back.”

You don’t see the two behind you as to make your way over to the closet to rummage around, but you hear something along the lines of, “Man, this whole escapade just keeps getting kinkier and kinkier!”

By the sounds of it, one of the Daves (you’re guessing yours…) is the most exited he’s probably ever been in a good while. His voice is hitched and he sounds like a little kid.

“That’s what happens when you roll with Vantass,” you’re even stealing his nicknames for you now. “Shit gets real in my hood.”

You kick the closet door shut behind you as you make your way back to the bed, your arms full of toys. Some are well-known to you, but you see Dave #1′s eyes light up and widen like maybe even he’s never seen them before. The other meanwhile is practically foaming at the mouth like a bark beast.

“Pick one,” you say as you drop the mess load of them on top of the mattress.

“How long have you had these?! And why didn’t you tell me?!” Dave #2 is losing his shit.

“For real, though,” Dave #1 is looking equally in disbelief. 

You shrug, flicking your bangs out of your face as you give the two your classic smile of triumph.

“When you’re bored and horny on meteor, you make shit happen.”

Dave #1 pouts.

“Even with me around?”

“I made most of those before me and you were a thing, genius.”

“Oh. By the way, that little gangsta speak you did earlier was hella cute.”

Just as he’s winking at you, the other chimes in with, “Hella.”

“I’ll show you nimrods cute,” you growl, though it comes out more of a purr than a growl since your throat is so dry. 

Either way, you’re climbing up onto that bed and fucking prowling betwixt the two. They’re both staring at you before you turn to Strider #2 and eye the toy he has clutched in his fist.

“Did you find one?”

He just nods at you pitifully.

“Mmm-hmmm!”

“Good,” you say smoothly. You can make the dryness in your voice work for you, allowing it to come out husky and wanting. Which isn’t much of a stretch as it is. “Now. Who wants a piece of Vantass?”

The Dave beneath you almost looks pliable as he lays with his belly upward. His lips are quivering despite his attempt at playing it cool. From the scents radiating from this alone you can tell he is anything but.

“Well, from what I just heard you’re getting some Strider ass.”

“Whatever works, right?”

Your voice is a copy of how churlish his own can be when it drawls, and as you speak, you’re already sliding up between his legs. You don’t even give him time to get ready. From experience, you know you don’t really need to. Your bulge and nook have been keeping good at making their own lubricant lately. Besides, if memory serves you correctly, nothing made Dave make more noise then when you just outright thrust into him without warning.

You don’t so much give him one, but you’re not vicious, either, as the moment your pelvises line up you casually slip inside. He’s already shouting in response as your bulge gets to work, its tip flicking at his prostate as you push in further. You’re stretching him and you know it. But so long as your bulge keeps slick and his “G-spot”, as it calls it, gets stimulated, you’re pretty sure he’s not bothered by it.

This is probably the loudest you’ve heard him. You grin and bite your bottom lip as your hips sway forward and backward. He’s trying to look pleased, but he’s too busy covering his face, and his mouth in no particular order. He doesn’t want everyone and their bark beast seeing how vulnerable he is. But you’re not everyone and their bark beast. You’re Karkat. And you taught him better than this.

“Mmm, let me see you,” you grunt, drawing your hips inward more sharply. You take the offending hand into your own. “Let me hear you.”

The cries coming out of his mouth from then on are streams of notes full of what can only be described as agony. You always mused on how singing about pleasure often equated to singing about pain. Fortunately you know the difference. 

His voice is gorgeous and he’s so fucking tight around your bulge. You groan into the air above you as your head tilts back and you thrust with more earnest and speed. He’s squeezing you. And you can’t think of anything else but coming inside of him. You’ve even forgotten about the other Strider in the room.

He’s probably gotten a good view of your ass from where he sits, you think, as you feel him laying kiss marks down your spine. Oh, God, you forgot about this part. You were too busy fucking your boyfriend like you were in a nature documentary.

Fuck, you have to change positions.

“Hop up on me,” he whispers. “Bro. Get up here.”

“You don’t gotta tell me twice,” your Dave whines.

Whining. He’s whining. His voice is as dry as yours if not dryer. And just as you’re pulling out and backing up (you hear your boyfriend yelp as you do, causing you to utter, “Sorry! Sorry!” in his defense), the other Strider’s hands have you by the waste and are assisting you in getting you lined up properly and, well…seated.

But of course, this is not a chair you’re sitting on.

He’s hard as a rock and as erect as a needle that drives right through you. The shock of it causes you to yelp and wonder where the fuck the rest of your AIR went to! Fuck you, Dave! Fuck every version of you!…Long…and hard…and, oh, dear God, that feels good.

Your yelps and gasps have eroded into sighs of pleasure and before you know it, you’re already grinding against him, lifting up just enough, before smoothly easing back down. He’s already moaning your name, but when you start to experimentally gyrate your hips, he’s moaning out profanities along with it. His voice is just as pretty as the other’s. Both sound like angels in a porn flick.

Being dirty is actually pretty damn fun. Especially when it has Daves writhing in the palms of your hands. Or in this case, nook. Either way.

Meanwhile, the other is brushing his nose, lips, and the side of his face against your own. His chest is so close, practically flush with yours.

“Baby,” he whines, his face nearly as red as his eyes. “Baby, you’re so beautiful. I want you so bad!”

You can tell. As you watch him touch himself, all you can think about is that imagery from earlier of him riding you while his timeline-hopping double pounded ferociously into your nook. It’s enough to make you start palming at your own bulge again. Never mind the noises that erupt from your throat.

Your breath is scarce. Your words faint. 

“Come here, Dave,” you beckon, outstretching your arms to him. “Come here!”

He sinks into your embrace like a ship through the waves, his arms wrapping around you and clinging. They’re trembling.

As the Dave below you calls out, you grab hold of your bulge and stretch it, stiffening it enough to where it can go into the other with ease if angled right. And just as you did with Dave #2, Dave #1 also gasps for a bit before easing further onto you. His gasps isn’t near as loud, but the noises that follow sure are. You imagine the sensation of your bulge is even more intense from this position.

The three of you together are so loud, it must sound like a massive orgy in the room. You don’t really care. They’re yours. They’ve always been yours. Always will be. And the only thing you take time to actually marvel at is the short time it takes to send your body rocking and shattering. No time at all, in fact. It’s as if it’s left without you. All it takes is for Dave #2 to bounce you a few quick times. It, in turn, causes a few more from yourself right into your Dave. Like a ripple effect. 

“Fuck…fuck! Fuck! Fuck!! FUCK!!”

There’s blissful pain that pierces through the lower half of your body and it spreads; spreads from your nook, bulge, and upwards. You faint. You black out. You don’t even feel the explosion of genetic material that meshes between you and Dave.

You wake up to him tightening around you, his voice high pitched and delicate as fuck as he screams, “Oh, God!” and comes after a few more thrusts.

Your bulge feels limp and lifeless inside of him. Kind of like the rest of you. A noodle. You’re a noodle.

And you’ve relaxed to the point of falling backwards, right into the other Strider’s nose as he lifted up to catch you.

“Ow! Fuck!”

And he’s back down again, you going with him.

Dave #1 is laughing. 

“Beware of falling Karkats.”

“Thanks for the warning,” comes a muffled, nasal reply.

“Fuck, I’m gonna be useless after this,” the other goes on, cautiously pulling off of you and holding his breath as it does until you’re finally unsheathed.

“Same,” comes another nasal response.

You hear more chuckling.

“Karkat’s out.”

“No, I’m not…” you struggle to utter. What even is language right now? It can go to hell.

You feel his ginger kisses trail up your neck and to the side of your face. You can’t help but smile in response. He makes you feel like you’re wrapped in a cave of warmth. It’s so safe. And he’s not even holding you right now.

“Did my widdle Kar-mittens enjoy his Davewich?”

You emit a series of soft snorts and snickers. Where do you even start?!

“Can I just say…I don’t know what I did to get this ball rolling? But I’m glad I did it.”

“Too hot,” the Dave below chimes.

“Hot damn,” the other finishes.

“No, seriously, I’m burning up, there’s too much body heat and nook up in here. Not complaining about the lovely meal, but when you’re full, you’re full, ya know?”

Shit, you forgot he was still inside you. You were still kind of reeling from that orgasm. And the fact that you just got…what was it? Davewiched.

Wincing a little bit, you pull off and snuggle between the two of them. Sure, it’s hotter than the Alternian sun in here and snuggling isn’t going to help matters. But you can’t end the party without saying this delightful little pun. Then everyone can go home.

“I guess you could say you Davewiched me. Color me smitten.”

“That was bad,” Dave #2 is pointing a finger right in your face. “That was bad…and you should feel bad. No desert for you!”

“You’re just mad I thought of it first.”

The finger lingers in your sights.

“You’re not wrong.”

“Can I just say…that if you or anyone else tells me to go fuck myself that I’m totally down for it and that they should be careful, because I just might do it?”

You give a peck on the Dave’s cheek.

“Back in the day, if you told me to do the same, I probably would have done it.”

“We know,” they both chime.

“Holy shit,” shouts Dave #1, “That’s our next thing! We gotta do this!”

“Easy there, cowboy, it’s one thing when we time hop, it’s another when Kar does it.”

“…Point.”

They’re both idiots for not realizing this.

“Dream bubbles, hello…”

Their faces light up and that’s literally all she wrote before you finally start to wonder whether or not you’ve created a monster. Monsters.


End file.
